rejected by

• Gentlemen’s Quarterly
• Guns & Ammo
• McSweeney’s
• Yale Correspondence School of Business
• Boston Poetry Review
• Stuff Magazine
• other magazines about stuff
• Harper's Weekly
• The Wall Street Journal
• Jack Dorsey
• Juggs
• Shanna Paddock in the 8th grade
• Timbaland
• some tall 6th grader in a basketball game